


Remembered Blessings

by wanderingquill



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Multi, holiday party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 19:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13014399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingquill/pseuds/wanderingquill
Summary: :MACUSA's holiday party has a routine of booze, potion spiked foods, and temporary stupidity but it never gets old.





	Remembered Blessings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MerryLilHobbit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerryLilHobbit/gifts).



  
      MACUSA’s halls were decked with folly, fa la la and all that humbug. It’s late into the winter season, Jack Frost came to roost and the bastard got more than comfortable with staying. The current blizzard outside swirled like a vicious buzzard around the city, circling and circling, waiting and waiting for something. But it would fly away on the horizon come sunrise.  
            So the office workers did what any reasonable adult would do to celebrate a holiday in such a fierce cold season, get drunk and eat comfort food. The expanded conference room looked more like a collage of homemade holidays decorations and craftsman illusions for frost snow then an office area. As per usual, the tables creaked from the strain of all the home-cooked meals from all departments and the booze fountain taps ran like rivers. The room filled with everyone from the mail people to the more social and recurring political representatives and diplomats to even Picquery herself. The use of vomit cleaning spells and the long established groups that watched the lush members of their circles, usually kept any animosity or possible trouble to a minimum of just embarrassing incidents. The party always lasted too long from everyone overeating and drinking to realize they should have floo powdered home already.

   Hours into the party, and finally everyone was drunk, stuffed, gossiping or asleep or in the process of trying to become one of those things, things finally started to wind down. The only difference this year was the squib Jacob was there with Queenie as her date. Queenie managed to whip up a backstory arguing Jacob’s Bulgarian grandpa that died young of a mysterious illness no-maj doctors didn’t recognize was a wizard. Jacob’s father being an only child, it was dumb luck that he and Jacob didn’t inherit the magic abilities. Since there was almost non-existent paperwork to prove otherwise and Jacob somehow “remembered” despite the no-maj specified memory spell, they had to quantify Jacob as a squib and thus protected by the Rapport’s law. MACUSA sent formal apologies, and a letter from President Picquery herself thanking Kowalski for helping Mr.Scamander retrieve his beasts. Queenie and Jacob got their cake and got to eat it too, they could be together and build a life together.  
              Tina and Percy were a bit dour their Scamander couldn’t come this year for Hanukkah or Christmas. Newt always brought a little hell with him, and even tho they wished for a calm visit with him now and then for holidays it was a godsend. Whether by magic, his beasts or his own special kind of oddity, Newt helped break up the routine and relentless merrymaking of their family holidays that usually dissolved into forced smiles and nodding with their distant relatives. They waited til the MACUSA office party to open Newt’s gifts. If only to decrease the chance of whatever possibly is in their boxes not escaping or damaging any of their own homes. They know Newt means well and his gifts are usually wonderful, but it’s Newt. There is a twenty percent chance the gift is alive and only technically legal because no one was able to find or document it in its own country. Might as well observe it for weeks, catch it in five minutes, sedate it and wrap it in a bow for a good holiday present.  
        But in any case, as the party continued the traditionally raised staff had eventually got sauced enough to ask Jacob stupid questions about the no-maj world. He took it in stride, despite being the center of attention and not being to answer ALL their questions. As long as Queenie was cuddling close to him on the couch and holding his hand, he felt he could take on the world. And Queenie very much felt the same way when with Jacob.  
     Meanwhile, Percy was making the rounds of niceties with other department heads, checking in with visiting diplomats or senior agents returning from international cases. Bit dull but the no-maj Polish beer Jacob brought was delicious so he couldn’t complain. Tina was well being Tina. The present she got from Newt was a sentient plant that kept singing the Jewish and Irish lullabies Newt learned from Tina and Percival. After watering it, Tina had put it in the office lounge earlier to help aurors sleep off the booze. At some point early in the party, someone taught it a dirty no-maj song called “My Gal’s Pussy”. Tina is not happy with this development to say the least, and has been using various tracing spells to find who did this for most of the party. And gradually gathering clues and finding other “unsolved” crimes standard at any holiday party. Such as“Whose homemade cookies are these”,”Who the hell brought fruitcake?” ,“Where did the last three whole pizza boxes go?”, “Whose phone number was written in the men’s room under “Call for a ride”?, and “Who hooked up and who is making stuff up to seem interesting?”. Even as she was gradually getting sozzled on Jacob’s eggnog, Tina’s first instinct was still to look for clues and fixing problems. The fact that all the people she interviewed were also drunk or didn’t care to pay attention to her plant didn’t really deter her.  
          Abernathy, the director of MACUSA was nursing a mug filled with whiskey alone at one of the couple large dining tables. Muttering to himself and his festive holiday mug. Director Graves was walking towards the tables, his normal strut more of a confident ambling due to lack of sleep and booze. He had just finished making rounds and doubled back to make sure Abernathy didn’t pass out. Percival walks up to the empty chair at the table next to him, intending to ask if he’s okay.  
Hearing someone get closer, Abernathy lifted his head to proclaim.

”She’s just so beautiful!” Abernathy sniffled as he used a snowflake tissue to blow his nose. Seeing the outburst of emotion, Director Graves would only ask                       "Are you crying? I literally left you alone for an hour to pee and make a couple rounds. What happened?”. Abernathy put his face down on the table again so it was almost impossible to understand him. Oblivious, he merely kept speaking in breathy grumbles into the table top. Percival patted Abernathy on the back and asked

“Care to actually respond now?” Percy was growing impatient with his very drunk coworker failure to communicate.  
Abernathy merely turned his face towards Percival next to him and pointed across the room before saying.  
“Seraphina’s so beautiful.” And Percy turns to see Seraphina on the opposite side of the room drinking cocoa while her advisors and diplomats try to suck up by telling her all the new gossip. Her eyes practically sparkled against her calm demeanor as she listens to the figurative tea of the previous work year. Percival rolled his eyes at Abernathy drunk sniffles and mumblings. He’s seen this spiral of adoration from afar many times before.  
“Yes, she is. And you are a mess. What did you do this time?”  
Abernathy just lifted his whiskey bottle then pointed under their table. Percival just shrugs and looks under the large dining table. Under there was almost two dozen people passed out drunk or too sauced to crawl out from under there. Aurors and clerks were lying under there like forgotten toy dolls in a drawer. Half of the auror department was there, most were unconscious or groaning like wounded veterans. And a couple people Percival couldn’t make out from how they were positioned.  
      “You literally drank twelve people under the damn table?” Only mild surprise tinged his  voice, as if he only expected Abernathy to beat six of seven people.  
     “At least three were there before. The other nine came back from the bathroom after you left and we started the next round.” Abernathy shrugged as he sipped some of his newly watered down whiskey. He needed to switch to lighter drinks after finishing the last round.  
Percival grinned a knowing smile, before asking  
     “Can I ask why?”  
   “Because drinking is easier than small talk? And everyone was too full to eat to fill the silence. So someone said drinking contest and here I am the victor." Abernathy used his free hand to do a “tada!” motion towards the pile of bottles and glasses on almost every surface of the immediate table.  
    “You have either the liver of a god or a dead man’s confidence.” Percival stated.  
Abernathy just shrugged before reaching to grab a couple spider pretzels. Politely eating one by one from his hand. He knew he needed to eat something to help with the booze.“Nah, just bored and it’s easier to drink then make small talk. I can only talk about birds for so long before I’m afraid someone was going to hex me.”  
     “You do go on for a while about birds once you start Abernathy." Percival pointed out as he used wandless magic to float over a couple of the red velvet cupcakes with snowflake sprinkles. Percy’s sweet tooth had become more like a vampire’s fang since Jacob and Abernathy started to bring baked goods into MACUSA for their paramours and friends.  
Abernathy wags his finger at Percival before slurred

“Like you don’t have a thing you go nuts over. I’ve seen the cheap no-maj detective novels you hide in your office.” Abernathy somehow maintained fierce eye contact despite his skittish nature. Too sauced or irritated to care much about staring down the Director of Magical Security. Oddly enough, Percival was the one to break eye contact to look away first. He leaned his elbows on the table and leaned his chin on steepled fingers. His pose more fitting a cartoon cat or a mobster than a government official.  
     “Yeah, but I know when to shut up about them. You once spent 15 minutes explaining the differences between a falcon and an eagle when an auror saw a bird on the gargoyle outside their office.” Abernathy said. His lips pressed so tight together his upper lip almost disappeared behind his lower lip. Which for Abernathy was the emotional equivalent of a barking snarl. This is the man who could be served vile food at a restaurant but still eat it entirely out of manners. Even if the meal gave him food poisoning, the worst he’d say about the matter would be 

 “I wouldn’t order that again.”  
Abernathy continued

“That’s just basic stuff, mistaking a falcon for a eagle is like mistaking a Romanian long tail dragon for a Welsh green baby.” Abernathy’s voice almost cracked as he proclaimed.

“It’s pre-ilvermorny stuff for Merlin’s sake!.”  
Percy responded in a pallid tone. “You spent fifteen minutes describing the differences in the shapes of their wings and their weird claw feet. The auror whose office it was fell asleep as you were talking.” The “no one cares enough about being wrong about a bird to listen about wing shapes for fifteen minutes” was left unspoken but still very much heard.  
“Okay, a) That is not my fault. There is a reason you’re aurors are so overworked they are nicknamed “workhorses” by other departments. Percival didn’t respond beyond lifting an eyebrow like an inquisitive owl, the question of “why” and the phrase “the hell” easily read on his face.  
Abernathy leaned to his side to Percy to explain.  
    “They’re called “workhorses” since so many people find them completely asleep standing up in the hallways and elevators after being forced to log off duty.” Percival might have snorted at the mental image of a unconscious auror scaring the hell out a clerk or two while asleep.  
Percival covered his barking laugh with a cough before replying

“Ah, well, that’s just law enforcement. Best to finish as much as you can when you first get a case before the trail gets cold.” Percy shrugged, he still remembers the back pain from falling asleep in his old oak chair as a junior auror.  
   “Yeah, well it’s got to the point of being unhealthy. Your aurors sometimes look so dead on their feet they look like decorations for the Halloween party. There should be a requirement to go home after working two days straight without real sleep and a hot meal not from a street vendor.”  
     “I’ll be sure to bring up the problem at the next meeting. Now you’re point?” Percival hoped Abernathy would stop going off track. He might be sobering up, but he’s still too drunk to follow an Abernathy lecture.  
     “If they can learn a dozen hexes to arrest people and work 36-hour shifts without rest, they can shut up and listen to basic observations. Their aurors for Merlin’s sake. If they can’t tell the most basic of things apart,the justice system is in deep trouble.”  
    “Good point. But just because they need to work on their observation skills, doesn’t mean they have to give a damn about birds.”  
        “They will if they call a hummingbird a weird pigeon in front a no-maj and get sent to a madhouse.” Abernathy stalled for a second as if he just got a letter in his head and was busy reading it. Abernathy’s mind was like a huge filing cabinet, filed in such an odd manner only he could comprehend. And the withdrawal of odd files together only became more absurd the drunker he was. Why the Biblical pillars of salt near the Dead Sea are connected to the watermelons they served at the Fourth of July party last Summer, we may never know. Abernathy almost hopped in his chair when turned to tell Graves what he remembered.

“Director Graves , did you hear about how the aurors even converted a broom closet into a shower.”  
Percival nearly choked on the beer he was sipping. Sputtering out a lie to cover his coughing.  
      “Ah, yes, I’ve heard that rumor too. Baseless. A auror merely used the closet to change clothes between shifts and clean up.” Meanwhile, Percival was starting to sweat and thought to himself  
   “Which one of my idiots talked about my private bathroom?"  
Percival buried the thought for later, and told Abernathy “In ANY case, you said point A, so I’m assuming there’s a point b."'  
Percival started to get peckish, so he started to leviosa some plates of food closer. No longer bothering to face Abernathy next to him, he nodded as he listened while filling out a snack plate.  
      “Uhh, yeah…what was I saying?” Abernathy asked. His eyes looking up as if he could read the transcript of his rambling on the ceiling.  
Percival blurted in a monotone voice.“Aurors, workhorses, you putting them to sleep with bird talk.”  
     “Ah, yes , as I was saying, point B, Your aurors hate being told they’re wrong and act like school children if the person correcting them isn’t you or Seraphina.” Abernathy could name three aurors alone who made clerks cry because they had the audacity to ask the auror to type up their field notes for the report because they couldn’t read the auror’s chicken scratch. In retaliation, Abernathy had flooded the offending aurors with so much paperwork, their desks looked like paper castles.  
         “Fair enough. But you still need to get a filter for birds and crap. Reel in the bird talk, you egg” Percival’s deadpan posture and tone relayed his desire for this topic to drop already.  
     “I do reel it in!” Abernathy voice almost cracked as he tapped his whiskey filled beer mug on the table.  
     “Don’t scream at me you egg.” Percival commented with a wry curl on his frown.  
Abernathy mumbled as he sipped his drink

“I’m not yelling, I’m just mad.”  
In the far corner, Jacob was pouring a round of untainted no-maj drinks from the infinite flask Queenie bought him the year before. The group was torn between curiosity of what no-maj “giggle water” actually tastes like and just wanting to get a drink that wasn’t messed with by Auror Thompson again.  
      “One cup for you, and one for you, and one for me, and one for yous.” Jacob felt a teacher during snack time, but he was too great of mood to care.  
One witch dressed in a pine green sweater with actual pine needle trees on the back leaned across the table to ask .“Hey, Mr.K?”  
Jacob didn’t hear her at first, being momentally distracted by Queenie’s wand twirling to add marshmallows to his mug.

“Yes,sorry um Gerney? I’m sorry, so many new names.” Jacob sheepishly admitted, his face turning a faint shade of pink from embarrassment.  
         “No, you got it right. My nickname is Gerney. I was wondering, have yous ever played “Spin n Sip”?” Gerney’s face broke from a faint smirk to a mischievous smile as she asked her question. The collective group started muttering amongst themselves.  
     “Remember that time Wallen bloated up and floated around the room?”  
  “That time Jenny had polka dots and donkey ears.”  
The atmosphere jumped from casual and relaxed to shivering excitement at the mere mention of the Ilvermorny drinking game.  
       “I don’t think Jacob would want to play “Spin and Sip”.” Queenie chirped. Her skin breaking into a almost cold sweat just imagining what could happen to Jacob with such a reckless game.  
     “What is Spin and Sip?” Jacob cocked his head, puzzled and asked as he leaned forward over the table.  
Gerney’s voice squealed with excitement. “It’s a drinking game!”  
Auror Sanchez chimed in as he took his seat from getting another beer.

    “It’s the best kind of drinking game.” Sanchez nearly fell out of his chair getting onto it due to his intoxicated sway. Sanchez further explained “Potions and cocktails and everything in between. Ya never know what ya gonna get and that’s half the fun. The other half being you don’t know what the other guys gonna get either.”  
Jacob could feel everyone else get excited for the game so he thought ”what the hell”. Jacob told them “I guess I could give it a try.”  
      “Hey guys, Jacob said yes to Spin N Sip!” Gerney almost screamed, and her neighbor had to cover his ear from the volume.  
      “Hey, Pepe, go raid the potions cabinet. We need to replenish it after the holidays anyway. Might as well finish off the rest.” Sanchez chirped, slapping Pepe out of his sleepy stupor.  
Gerney almost jumped out of her chair with her wand in hand.

“I’ll clear the table.” Gerney’s levitation spell slowly elevated all the empty and half-finished bottles and snack plates on the circular table.  
        “Hey, I’m still drinking this!” Jacob proclaimed as he lunged to snatch his floating beer from the air.  
     Gerney said “Sorry, we just gotta clear the table for the game.”  
Jacob just said “It’s fine. Just wait a moment before moving stuff.” Jacob then slide back into the soft leather couch next to Queenie to snuggle. He relaxed against Queenie’s side as they both watch everyone scramble to set up the game.  
Queenie leaned down to Jacob to whisper in his ear, “Are you sure you want to do this?”  
      “Everyone’s playing right? And it’s not like I’m going to be drinking all the potions.”  
    “You don’t know how odd the potion cocktails can be.”  
Jacob chuckled a little before explaining.

    “I worked with Newt honey. Newt and his mad zoo of magic. I’ve been poisoned, tackled, levitated, chucked and flown around the ceiling on the same day. I think I can handle this.”  
       “You can handle this, but do you want to do this? You don’t have too if you don’t want to.”  
Jacob squeezed Queenie’s hand and looked her in the eyes trying to comfort her. “I do. I promise I’ll only do a couple of rounds, and tap out if I get a really weird potion.”

  
(One hours later.)

     “Okay, Jacob’s out. No more “Sip n Spin” for me and him.” Queenie explained as she tried to gather up Jacob’s outfit out of his chair.  
A very tiny voice came up from behind Jacob’s big red tie on the chair.  
       “Yeah, guys, I’m done. I’m tapping out with my Queenie.” Jacob was as big as a small mouse and clearly trying to cling to modesty while naked behind his tie. Queenie got her wand out and used his shirt to cover him as she then transformed his red handkerchief into a small outfit.  
      “O but it was just getting good.” Auror Sanchez managed to hiss without human lips. His unnaturally green scaly skin and amber eyes looked more fitting for a no-maj horror show then a holiday party.  
   “Don’t be an egg ya idiot. He’s too small to spin the bottle anyway. If he spins it, it could crush him.” Gerney chirped from above. She got the balloon potion and had to use her wand to spin the bottle while clinging to the uncovered pipe on the ceiling.  
Pepe chimed in, the drunk slur and his thick accent someone working against each other and making him actually easy to understand for once.

   “Queenie could just spin for him. It’s a drinking game not a formal thing that Abernathy’s gonna need to stamp for.”  
      “He said he’s out, he’s out. You guys can keep playing without us.” Queenie insisted before picking up Jacob and leaving. The group groaned and whined as the duo left the table. But then Angie from accounting belch was heard above them, they forgot she got a balloon potion. The burp broke the tension and made them forget why they were whining, so they resumed playing.  
~

  
      Tina was meandering around the office, asking anyone if they heard someone singing “My Gal’s Pussy”. It’s going to take forever to figure out how to get the plant Newt got her to forget the song. It’s funny and crude, but her landlady will likely throw a fit thinking a man is singing about lady parts in her apartment. Tina would sooner jump into the mouth of a dragon then explain why she insists on keeping a dirty bar song singing plant that’s barely legal for her to own in the first place. No one seems to recognize the song so far, some looked like they recognize the melody but nervously avoided making eye contact with Tina and scurried away to get a refill. Tina was about to lose hope of figuring out who messed up her present from Newt when she saw Thompson, looking like a pulp fiction villain looming over the beer barrel tap.

Tina thought “Who wears a full cloak jacket and hat inside? It’s practically Summer in here with all the heaters on.”  
Tina approached the beer taps, Thompson oblivious and facing away didn’t realize anyone was watching him. Tina loudly asked as she got closer.

“Thompson, what are you doing over there?”  
Thompson turned around and bolted before Tina could reach him. Tina was tempted to duck after him, but she went to check the beer taps first. Tina pulled out her wand to cast some hex checks before trying the more standard ways of tampering with alcohol. The test for mind-altering substances came back positive, and Tina was positively furious.  
Tina muttered to herself.

“That’s why no one remembers the song, Thompsons been messing with everyone’s memory. He’s probably the egg that was singing in the first place.” Tina pulled out her wand as she attempted to track Thompson down. Tina didn’t bother to think other possible motives for Thompson of why he’d ruin her gift or why would the aurors cover for the most disliked man at MACUSA. Tina just focused on the fact Thompson possibly drugged the party and the fact as a reinstated auror she can arrest him for it.

~

  
      “So how long am I going to be tiny?” Jacob sqweaked as he clung to Queenie’s choker necklace.  
“For a couple of hours without the antidote. I’m sorry you got shrunk but given what the other people got I’m grateful.” Queenie explained, trying to speak softly to avoid deafening Jacob.  
      “Let’s get you some food to help sober you up.”  
Jacob clung to her neck as she turned towards the larger snack table. Jacob then replied

    “Yes, let’s. I’m starving. You’d think I wouldn’t be being so tiny but I am.”  
Picquery was at the sweets table trying to slice out a piece of cobbler when Queenie walked up.  
      “Hello Ms.Goldstein and….” Picquery looked down to see Jacob playing with one of Queenie’s longer curls on her neck. “Mr.Kowalski.”  
Queenie gave a nervous giggle from Jacob leaning on the ticklish part of her neck under her ear. “Madam Picquery”  
“Hiya! President Pic pic Picquery!” Jacob’s frantic waving nearly flung him clear off Queenie’s shoulder. Seraphina’s wandless magic helped save him at the last second.  
“Oopsie daisy” Jacob exclaimed, looking up from towards Picquery from where her spelled saved him. Queenie was mortified, unsure if she should apologize and grab Jacob or wait until the president returns him and leaves. There is no real protocol for dealing with a drunk no-maj paramour around the president of magic.  
Picquery was torn between amusement and aggravation towards Kowalski’s obvious participation in Spin N Sips. A reckless game for even veteran witches, might as well a squib. But tonight is her unofficial day off and she doesn’t feel like lecturing Queenie because she’s literally shaking she’s so scared. And her date Kowalski looks too drunk to remember how to spell his name given how his face is redder than his makeshift outfit. So Seraphina decided to let it pass.

Merely replying in a neutral tone “Quite.” And then she waved her hand to lift Jacob into Queenie’s sweater pocket.  
Picquery then explained, “There are antidote potions in the healers cabinet down the hall. You should see if they have a reversal potion before he gets hurt.”  
     “Yes, Ma’am.” Queenie stuttered as she scurried away. Not realizing she left the plate she filled with treats to help sober Jacob up on the table.

~

  
   “Hey, boiled egg. Fix yourself up, your shirts messy.” Percival commented after he looked over his shoulder. He pushed Abernathy to help wake him up after he ate his full of snacks.  
    “Why?” Abernathy asked while fixing his collar anyway. Embarrassed about almost dozing off.  
       “Because your beautiful lady is coming this way.” Percival explained as he watched Abernathy’s face shape into a mixture of excitement and dread.  
     “Are you sure she isn’t coming for you?” Abernathy whispered frantically, unsure and nervous. Percival snorted and rolled his eyes,  
    “Yeah, I’m more than sure those bedroom eyes are not for me. We are like siblings. Ew.”  
      “How do I look?” Abernathy was flustered and trying to fix his tie.  
     “Like a rich lovesick egg, now here she comes,” Percival warned after jabbing him in his arm to hurry.  
Seraphina glided over smiling, leaving her sycophants to talk amongst themselves.  
Reaching behind Percy’s stool and Abernathy’s backed chair, she said: “Hey Percy, hey Tom.”  
Abernathy fully turned to face her but looked like he was choking on his own tongue. As Seraphina leaned on his chair, Abernathy managed to quip“I yaaaa um HI!”  
    “Hello, again Tommy.” Seraphina sincerely smiled at him, and he swore his heart stopped beating for a second. Seraphina then turned towards Percy as she leaned against Abernathy and his chair.  
     “So he drank a couple aurors under the table again?” Seraphina inquired as she started to pet Abernathy’s neck like he was her kneazle familiar. Abernathy normally would jump at such sudden contact, but he was too nervous to move and the touches were soft and oddly soothing. Abernathy kept his mouth shut, but he wondered to himself  
     “Did Picquery know he likes his neck rubbed? Or is she a little sauced and just a affectionate person?”  
     Percival muttered, “He drank all my senior aurors under the table, except Tina who I can’t find.”  
Seraphina leaned more heavily onto Abernathy’s chair, he was starting to turn pink from modesty. He could feel her body heat through his clothes but didn’t want her to move away.  
Seraphina asked towards Percy since Abernathy was stunned mute at the moment.  
       Seraphina commented, “I’m guessing Junior auror Thompson is nowhere to be found.” She leaned over to snatch some pretzels from Percy’s plate.  
       “Yup” Percival agreed with the same monotone tone singularity that was as if the conversation was as engaging as bad elevator music.  
       “This year's party is right on schedule then.”  
Abernathy’s expression exaggerated his feelings of confusion. He raised his free hand to politely ask  
      “What’s on schedule? I rarely drink at office parties.” Abernathy asked, puzzled by their conversation.  
Percival turned his head slightly before trying to explain

“Thompson is the office asshole, you know this.”  
        “Yes, but what’s going on?” Abernathy asked, still feeling completely out of the loop.His brow furrowed as he tried to piece the snippets of the conversation together and failing.  
        “Thompson always spikes half the drinks with his famous “Joy eraser” memory potion. He tries to get everyone sauced so they forget good things in their lives and makes the depressing effects of alcohol much worse. He wants everyone else to be as miserable as him.”  
       “He should be in jail then, for illegal tampering,” Abernathy stated, unsure why they’d let such a thing happen.  
Director Graves further explained “It’s perfectly safe, it’s diluted by the booze and Thompson’s cheap ingredients. So at worst it makes everyone moody and only lasts a couple hours.Thompson gets reprimanded with extra paperwork every year, but he always does it again out of spite at the next holiday party.”  
Seraphina giving her two cents on the matter said

“He’s just a bitter bastard who can’t earn a promotion to save his life and takes it out of everyone else. But we always put some calming potion in the gravy to balance out the potion and booze. But he keeps trying to make everyone drink until he can’t stand upright.”  
Percival then continued

“The only person who can outdrink that prickly prick quickly is you. Which is good for everyone else but you forget a lot of stuff because you drank the most potion..”  
Abernathy's neck shifted between the two speakers like a befuddled owl. Abernathy blurted out before either of them could say more.

“But I’m not sad? What am I forgetting? Who am I forgetting?”  
       “Here’s the thing, you are happy bastard when sozzled. So even if you forgot a couple good things, you chose to be jolly anyway, which honestly I think is a fucking miracle.” Percival emphasized by lifting his mug and pointed it at Abernathy when he said “a fucking miracle”  
      “BUT WHAT AM I FORGETTING?” Abernathy’s voice rose an octave while he asked. Between the constant physical contact with the beautiful President Picquery and his anxiety about forgetting chunks of his life, he was turning a deep shade of carnation pink.  
      Percival chuckled, and refilled Abernathy’s glass and added a couple more pieces of ice for good measure. Abernathy was starting to look the definition of hot and bothered, in all senses of the phrase.  
        “Well for one, the fact we have had this almost exact conversation for every year for the last eight years Tommy. Another is that we’ve been friends for seven, and you’ve been happily married for four. Here’s a tissue.” And Percival then handed Abernathy his handkerchief. Abernathy took it to be polite and wiped his sweating brow. Then he kept twisting and crumble it in his hand to channel some of the excess energy.  
Abernathy pleaded,

      “Wait, I’m married!? Who is my wife? Where’s my wife?” Abernathy was completely flustered, his body practically vibrating in his seat. Seraphina leaned over Abernathy and whispered.  
      “I’m literally right here Tommy.” Seraphina took her old seat on Abernathy’s lap as he looked up at her in awe.  
       Abernathy started stuttering “O my gosh, oh my gosh, OH my GOSH!”

Percival rolled his eyes as he cut up a piece of maple ham,“Every year”  
And then, like every year, Abernathy started to sob and cling to Seraphina in his lap. He kept trying to hide his face against her neck, to hide his happy tears. However, due to her proportions and position on his lap, the closest he got was her chest and collarbones. His vision too blurry to realize where exactly his face was, and his mind too buzzed to process why he shouldn’t be there even if he could. If he was slightly more sober, he would have been mortified about shoving his face into the president’s chest. Seraphina just shushed and continued petting his neck and his crown of curls, trying to calm him down. Seraphina merely smiled and smiled while in her very sauced husband’s loving arms.

Percival finally deigned to actually fully turn towards Abernathy and Seraphina next to him to ask. “Peanut, how did you marry this ridiculous man?”  
      “Happily and willingly Perry.” Seraphina’s soft smile almost lite up the room.  
Abernathy then muffled muttered against Seraphina’s chest “I’m So happy and so sorry I forgot you!”  
     “It’s alright honey, I know it’s not your fault.” Seraphina kissed his forehead, calming him a little.  
    Percival spoke up to say.“Hmmmm, well, I’ll leave you with the sappy sobber. I better go track down Tina, she’s probably trying to arrest Thompson again.”  
      "Good luck tracking her. Merlin knows you'll need it." Seraphina quipped as Percival waved goodbye and apparated away to look for Tina.  
Seraphina and Abernathy did what they usually did every year as the party gradually ended. Abernathy in a state of utter joy and tears and Seraphina smiling at her sentimental and sauced husband. The house elves rolling their eyes at them when Abernathy sobers up enough to stagger to the floo station on Seraphina's arm. Blushing red hot when Seraphina kissed him on the lips before flooing them both home.

~

  
    “I feel like an inflated tire.” Jacob gasped as he looked up from the ground.  
 “You kinda are. The inflation potion acts like an off brand size restoration potion when mixed with a couple more ingredients. Here are your clothes honey.” Queenie handed Jacob his clothes before turning around. As much as she enjoys the view, no one wants them to be known as the couple who knocked boots in the healer’s closet. Wizards and witches have long lifespans and their rumors even more so. If someone walked in on Jacob naked with Queenie, it’d be well past the year 2000 before anyone in MACUSA would let them forget it.  
      Jacob muttered curses to himself as he fumbled to get back into his clothes. The long night of booze and cheer finally all caught up with him. It was like an Olympic event trying to put his legs and arms back into his thermal underwear and then his shirt and pants. He gave up on buttoning his shirt and tying his belt. Only bothering to fully button his fly to avoid people staring at his underwear.  
    “I’m decent. I wouldn’t be paraded on a poster but I won’t be thrown out of a bar at least.” Jacob finally said aloud.  
      “You are more than decent honey,” Queenie said as she took Jacob’s hand to help him walk straight. Queenie then whispered into Jacob’s ear.  
     “Now let’s go home and make you indecent again.” Queenie quipped as they held hands walking out the large cabinet closet.  
    “QUEENIE” Jacob stammered. More off guard by her uncharacteristic directness in public than anything else. Usually, she alluded to their private time together, made inside jokes with him in front of people. Or just played coy and smiled at him with her knowing expression and blow him a kiss to hold him off until they get home.  
      “What? You were thinking it too.” Queenie said as she picked up her pace towards the floo station.  
    “I’m just not used to you being direct in public I guess,” Jacob said as he struggled to keep up with Queenie. “But I like it.”

~

  
          Percival has walked almost every hall in and around the party before he finally found Tina. She was armed with her wand out and appeared to be blockading a coat closet with her body.  
Tina nearly jumped out of her skin when Percy tapped her shoulder to ask.

“Tina, what are you doing?”  
     “I finally cornered Thompson in the cupboard.” Tina explained in a completely serious tone despite being beat red drunk.  
Percy smiled like a Cheshire cat as he leaned against the door facing her.

“I hope you didn’t plan to play eleven minutes in Heaven with him without me.”  
       “That is not even remotely funny.” Tina punched her boyfriend in the arm for the comment. Percy mused that Tina’s facial reaction to the implication was well worth the punch in the arm.  
   “Yes, it is. I can’t wait to tell Newt. He’d be so sad we made out with someone else without him.”  
Tina punched him harder the second time as she replied.

“Again not funny.”  
Percival chuckled as he replied.

“Okay, I deserved the second one. But seriously, Tina. Why are you tracking Thompson now? You can arrest him tomorrow when you’re sober and he’s not cornered and pissed off.” As much as he enjoyed Tina all fired up, it was a bit too much effort to track the elusive Thompson while zozzled.  
       “I want him to wake up hungover in the drunk tank for what he did.” Tina then hit the door and said:

“You can’t hide there forever Thompson!”  
        “What has he done to earn the punishment of being trapped in a room that smells like sadness and vomit?” Percy curiously asked. Every year Tina would be various levels of anger of what Thompson usually does, depending on how much she drank and how much of dick he’s been towards her the last couple months. Most of the time, it would just result in Tina punching Thompson in the face for messing with the beer and let Abernathy drown him in paperwork for the year. Tina’s never been so pissed off she’d track him down and fully intended to put him in jail.  
Tina’s teeth almost cracked from her jaw clenching in renewed anger and annoyance from remembering her reasons. She took a deep breath to calm down a little before explaining.

“He messed with the gift Newt got me. He sang a stupid no-maj song about pussy’s and now my plant won’t stop singing it. I can’t bring it home now cause my landlady won’t put up with it.” Tina barked before slamming her fist against the cupboard door.  
      “I know what you did you prick”  
There was a muffled shout from deep inside the cupboard pantry, and then a crash of glass and metal and the faint muttering of “O Merlin’s balls.”  
      “Tina, he wasn’t the one singing that song. I was when I was walking to the bathroom.”Percy tried to explain, embarrassed by consequences of his silly singing when he thought he was alone.  
     “Pardon my French Percy, but what the hell?” Tina exclaimed. Percival rarely hummed might as well sang in public.  
Percival looked like he wanted to sink into his greater coat and hide rather then explain what happened. But he begrudgingly started to explain.  
       “I got good bottle of Abernathy’s Scottish Whiskey this year and apparently it had a little Merriment charm on it. I took a sip and had to choose between singing or socializing or dancing. And soon I had to use the bathroom so singing it was. I didn’t know your plant was in the lounge I swear.”  
       “O Merlin’s balls Percy. I chased Thompson half across the building thinking he intentionally messed with me and risked poisoning half the building to cover it up.” Tina’s sugar crash and senses finally finding her. Realizing how silly and disproportionate her reactions being to chasing a man into a broom closet for teaching a plant a dirty song and he didn’t even do it. Her older drunk boyfriend did. But given the information, and Thompson’s personality it’s understandable. But now she’s tired and she’s still stuck with a plant she can’t leave at home or at work and her lover’s to blame for it. If it was anyone else, Tina would at least yell at them for it. But it’s Percy, no one gives Percival more hell for his mistakes then himself.  
       Tina sighs, and said, “We’ll figure out what to do with the plant later. Want to help me unblockade Thompson?”  
Percival stood straight up and calmly said

“Nah. He still drugged half of MACUSA and deserves a little hell for acting like a demented Scrooge. He’s eaten already and knows cleaning spells. The spell will let him out at sunrise.” Then he took out his wand and cast a different lock spell across the doorway.  
     “Are we allowed to do this?” Tina asked stepping away from the door.  
    “You might not be, but I am as Director of security. I have a right to punish aurors any way I want within reason if they broke the auror law codes. And Thompson broke at least three by spiking the beer and one code dodging you. He earned twelve hours to reflect on his crimes.” Percival said with a smug smile. He offered Tina his arm. “Want to go home now?”  
         “Yeah, it’s been a long night.” Tina replied. Her eyes drooped a little as the adrenaline from the chase finally started to fade.  
As they walked towards the floo station, Percival whispered to Tina.

“If Newt asks, say we thought the plant was for my office and the tracker charm was for you for a bracelet. You get a useful niffler like tracker and I get something that makes me laugh on shitty days."  
       “Deal. Now let’s head home and eat whatever you likely squirreled away in your coat for later.”  
    “You know me far too well, Ms.Goldstein.”  
“You love it.” Tina quipped before kissing Percy's cheek as they walked passed some mistletoe.   
~  
     “GUYYYYSSSSSS?” Auror Thompson screamed as he hit the door again.  
“Guys I really need to pee! I’ll do the damn paperwork and sit in the drunk tank, just let me out to PEE!”  
Only silence and faint music in the distance answered him back. Auror Thompson had tried all the unlocking spells he could think of. He nearly broke his shoulder trying to tackle the door like a no-maj.  
“Come on! GUYS? ANYONE THERE? TINA CAN PLEASE JUST LET ME OUT AND ARREST ME?” Thompson shrieked as he hit the door. He had to cross his legs to not piss himself. It felt like an eternity since he used the bathroom. Thompson kept slamming the door as he felt his bladder grow heavier and his dignity grow smaller the more frantic he got.


End file.
